The Great Pause
In this time of the Great Pause, I have found myself going back to my original work. Before anything, there were always numbers. I've been told, "You know - you're binary in your thinking. It's yes or no with you - rarely is there a maybe. You like something, someone, somewhere or you don't." My response most of the times is, "Yes, you're right."
One of my truths - the number is always the number. It doesn't change. 2+2 = 4. It's clear, simple, concise and consistent. That makes me breathe a little easier. If I am willing to looking a little deeper, be vulnerable, it is connected to my Virgo Moon. Go deeper! Ok actually, the Moon was Full at the moment I was born.
Very funny, Universe.
For those that know and love me, I am the one that will shy away from stepping into the spotlight. Actually, I run. It is disconcerting for me. It's taken me a long time to simply say "Thank You" when someone compliments me on anything. Being in "the spotlight" in any situation, well, it's down right scary to me. I call it "feeling itchy". You know, that little tiny (probably imaginary) itch in the center of your back just out of reach. Yup, that's it. Then you realize you have to stand up and give the presentation, sit in on the conference call, Skype meeting, Zoom, Microsoft Teams, conversation with a group of women talking about standing in your truth and not apologizing. You see where I'm going. Your mouth goes dry, even after the full bottle of water, mind blank, head starts to ache and you feel queasy. That's me - everytime.
So, this Great Pause we have found ourselves in has brought me back to my QuickBooks work. Looking at the numbers for my clients, seeing where they were and where they are meant to go - allowing for adjustments along the way. This applies not only to my clients, it called to me to do the same. I have to acknowledge I am my business' first client and I'm not a very good one. It has meant for me - going back and finishing my work. Not only my own QuickBooks Online, taxes and re-writing my 2020 goals - it meant going back and finishing the classes, workshops that I purchased for myself to raise my vibration. I realized that I had to step into the light. Find my sense of self again - and stand in it. Doing this has proved to be "itchy". I purchased a course in 2017 from Gabrielle Bernstien - The Spirit Junkie Masterclass. Started off guns blazing and then the work got hard, so I put down the class. I wasn't ready to hear her talk about stepping up and in. Shining a light on you and your divine purpose. Again, shining a light on myself! Truly uncomfortable. Growing up, the elders (old folks as I call them - with only love and respect behind the words) would tell you that was showing off and no one likes a show-off. I want to be liked! Sometimes I needed to be liked more than breathing.
Well, I picked up the book (yes, I have all the lessons printed and in my binder, tabs and all) and I am beginning to do the work. Get ready everybody - The light is about to shine. Pulling the Universe Has Your Back card deck - also by Gabrielle Bernstein (yes there is a theme - she's amazing, real and I believe - we are girlfriends).
The card states - When I accept the LOVE of the UNIVERSE as my primary teacher - I will always be guided back to the LIGHT.
The light is coming for all of us. Stay in tune with yourself, your work and your numbers. I will be here when this is over - Sunglasses and all.